Why are you so good to me?
Victim of my thoughts.
When one thing is wrong, it triggers a whole bunch of suppressed emotions… Like I just don’t know how to feel. From anger, to sadness and everything between. I’m not stable. I’m starting to see that. I have issues…
I’m always falling victim to my own thoughts. And only I can rescue myself.
You ever feel like someone was too good for you? Like things were too good to be true? While your mind is trying to process it all, you start thinking and thinking and then you realize that maybe, for once it might be YOU that is going to do all the hurting? Then everything stops. Could I be possibly be the reason of ones pain?
I’ve always been on the side of getting hurt. Constantly. No matter what it was. I guess its just the fact that I’ve always allowed myself to get hurt. Got close to someone too soon, expected everything to be replicated, and later realized, that absolutely nothing will be returned and that what you had with someone was all a hoax? It has never failed at all…
And now.. now I find myself on the other end. Scared that I’d be the one causing pain on another… like I don’t know what to do. Like I keep telling myself to snap out of it, that I of all people will not hurt anyone but for some reason its not sticking to my head. I’m at denial for some reason; Idk maybe because everything seems too good to be true? Or maybe because I just don’t feel like I deserve someone willing to care and cater to me like I cater to others? I don’t know what it is… I’m trying my very best to just stop with the negativity and trust wholeheartedly.. but I don’t know what it is but its almost like I’m running from it. Like I’m running far from it?
Too many issues.
She’s safer being by herself than with someone. Because if she finds herself getting too close to another, all she does is burden the other with problems, worries, and troubles all because of - her. She ought keep to herself; in isolation if need be; just to herself as to not burden or pass her problems off to another friendly being. Complicated doesn’t even describe it. Complex? Who knows. She looks at herself and just sees a lot of error in her. How she wishes she was perfect. Error free. Clean. Pure. Just perfect. but she has too many issues. Too many issues that she tries to solve but can never come to terms with it. Too many things that constantly cause her to hurt, cry out, get angry…pretty much everything. Whats wrong with her?
Why is she so broken? Why can’t she pick the pieces back up and grow?